2. Has No Sexual Fantasies.

I’m in the process of working over my 10 Ways to identify a LL libido list.  Actually you could use the inverse to identify a HL, but remember we’re dealing in the realm of probabilities and generalities, here.  There are no guarantees.  Sort of like the stock market where past performance is the best indictor of future earnings, however no guarantees are expressed or implied.  But we’ll keep going, anyway.

 

When talking to a LL person, ask them about their sexual fantasies and chances are they won’t be able to share one with you.  Unable or unwilling (see previous entry) they have little to say in the fantasy department.

 

To us HL people, this seems incredible if not impossible.  How can a person NOT have sexual fantasies?  Go on over to Cat’s or Tom’s place to read some Friday fantasy material.  Always Aroused Girl and Chelsea Girl titillate us with sexual ruminations and erotic elucidations.  Artful Dodger’s place is a treasure trove of fantastic sensual delights of the serious, romantic and comedic varieties.  My blogroll is owned and possessed by those with fertile fantasies of every kind.  We are a bunch of perverts with sex on the brain.

 

But those with LL’s just don’t seem to think much about sex at all.  They are as easily distracted from sex as we are because of sex.  They’ll frequently talk about forgetting about it.  I once lurked the Usenet group alt.newlywed.  You’d think there might be some pretty hot discussion there, right?  WRONG!  It was dominated by women who seemed to discuss everything except sex.  And on the occasions it did come up, it was in a form something like this:

 

We don’t have as much sex as we used to have.  I don’t know what happened but I just sort of forget about it.  It’s like when you forget to eat until you are reminded by the sight or smell of food”

 

If the largest sexual organ is the brain, fantasies are what keeps the blood flowing.  Fantasies prime the pump and nourish desire.  They can make boring sex more exciting.  Fantasies fuel anticipation, imagination, interest and desire.  Many LL individuals complain about their partners wanting to go from 0 to 60 in 55 seconds.  The reason for that is that the fantasies keep the engine running.  Our LL people are totally starting out cold, while the HL folks have been gunning the throttle all the time.

 

It’s easier for me to understand the LL’s lack of fantasies when I think about golf.  I’ve been golfing a few times and it was fun.  But the fun of it involved more who I was with more than the game itself.  I could go the rest of my days and not miss playing.  I don’t dream about it or watch the golf channel or write about it or read about it.  I could care less about the game of golf.  To a real golfer, this may sound sacrilegious.  Perhaps if I had better golfing equipment or if I practiced more or drank more beer on the course…then I might learn to like it more.  But in reality, I’m simply not all that thrilled about it.  I can’t fathom watching it on TV, and can not imagine liking it more by being forced to do it more often.

 

Desmond and Therese brought up some concerns about those with deep religious convictions.  I certainly would not expect them to share fantasies about banging certain celebrities or saints.  However, there should be some fundamental fantasies such as wondering what it might be like with a prospective spouse.  In fact, I might expect a very religious person to actually have to work at keeping their thought-life captive and keeping the desires of the flesh at bay, so to speak.  This would be especially true if one were in a deepening relationship. 

 

The difficulty with someone who is very conservative is asking them about any sexual fantasies and getting an accurate, truthful answer.  One of my earlier (and Catholic) girlfriends seemed to translate her fantasies into dreams of us being together and having lots of kids.  Lots of sex = lots of kids, right?

 

While having many fantasies is not necessarily indicative of a high libido or wanting lots of sex, having NO fantasies is a very strong indicator of the absence of sexual desire. 

 

In my original list I make a reference to LL people having relatively mild fantasies, if any.  This might be more related to rigid thinking than libido, per se.  Some people are just not very creative or imaginative.  However I would associate originality, creativity and vivid fantasies as being very positive signs of someone who might appreciate sex.  Even moreso if I’m the subject of said fantasies!

 

D.

              

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8 Responses to “2. Has No Sexual Fantasies.”

  1. Desmond Jones Says:

    Hmmm. . . I guess I can see your point, but, as I alluded in my previous comment, in ‘religious’ circles, sexual fantasies are not exactly a common topic of discussion, at least not before you’re married. She might have ’em, but she won’t be telling me about ’em. Modesty, and all that.

    And, frankly, as a serious Christian guy, if a girl I was dating, back when I was ‘in the market’ for a wife, had started telling me about her sexual fantasies, I’m not sure I would have taken it as a completely positive marker of our future together. (I might have liked it, but it would have raised some ‘red flags’).

    When Molly and I were engaged, and moreso as our wedding day drew near, it got harder and harder to keep our hands off each other. Which, I suppose, is normal enough, and if I were looking for a ‘positive marker’ of our future sexual prospects, I might look in that direction – “She likes me; she really likes me!” And, even at that, we are both glad that, when it all came to pass, we gave each other our virginity on our wedding night.

    These days, I wouldn’t say that Molly has a terribly active ‘fantasy life’. But, from time to time, she will take the sexual initiative in some very delightfully creative ways. . .

    So, I don’t know. . . are ‘religious’ folks a different breed of cat? I don’t really think so, but a sense of modesty and propriety can make the ‘markers’ you’re looking for hard to evaluate ahead of time.

  2. Therese Says:

    I’m sure your markers are probably pretty accurate for a good number of people. Sorry a couple religious people throw them off a bit! 🙂

    When RS and I were engaged, believe me, sex was on my mind an awful lot. I know it was on his too. Did I wonder what it would finally be like when we could have sex? Absolutely.

    I might expect a very religious person to actually have to work at keeping their thought-life captive and keeping the desires of the flesh at bay, so to speak. This would be especially true if one were in a deepening relationship.

    The closer we became emotionally, and the closer we came to our wedding day, you’re absolutely right, it became harder and harder (we may be religious but we’re still very, very human!). We were trying to preserve some sort of purity between us, so something like discussing our sexual fantasies would not have come up before we were married. We knew we were both very eager. That was more than enough knowledge for us at that particular point in our relationship and with our goal of not sleeping together before our wedding night. But honestly, aside from the actual act itself, I really didn’t have a lot of wild fantasies. Being a virgin, the mere thought of sex was fantasy enough. Even if I had had more elaborate fantasies, I doubt I would have shared them with RS before we were married (refer to Desmond’s modesty and propriety). But it doesn’t mean I wasn’t interested! 🙂

    I actually have quite a long response to your questions from your last post. Because of the length, however, I think I’ll just put it on my blog.

  3. Cat Says:

    “My blogroll is owned and possessed by those with fertile fantasies of every kind. We are a bunch of perverts with sex on the brain.” When I read this I had an uncontrolable urge to say “who me?” but yeah I guess that about sums it up. I would assume if you aren’t thinking about sex or you are not having fantasies during the day it would be difficult to get into a sexual state of mind. There are a lot of distractions work, kids, bills I just wonder if it’s a priority to a LL. They think about the other stuff. Is it wiring or choice?

  4. 2amsomewhere Says:

    This comment goes back to item #1 as well as the current post.

    Last summer, I had a big talk with my wife about the sexual dimension of our marriage. I asked her to tell me about fantasies she might have. She said she didn’t have any.

    Earlier that year, she had purchased a couple of the Nancy Friday books that catalog anonymous women’s fantasies, so I asked her whether any of them excited her. She said she didn’t find any of them appealing.

    I told her that it was hard for me to comprehend that she never had thoughts about sex and that out of over 600 pp. of variations from the mild to the bizarre, there was not one story that put wind in her sails.

    She dismissed the books, saying that she didn’t get turned on by sex with animals. In reality, bestiality made up only a minority of the stories.

    She said that there might be a couple of times a month she sees something on a soap opera that might make her heat up. And she said that she couldn’t tell me what to do because it changes from time to time.

    I think that your categorizations are very much on target.


    2amsomewhere

  5. FTN Says:

    As I commented on your last post — for some people who weren’t comfortable discussing this very much with women ahead of time, marriage can be a little bit of a crap shoot. You just don’t really know how it’s going to end up.

    Maybe a short sexual survey before dating certain girls would have helped?

  6. diggerjones Says:

    Yes, you religious nuts are screwing up my sample but the fact is, it’s folks like you (single yous) who are saving themselves for marriage and who would like to know they aren’t ending up with a dead fish for a spouse. it’s a work in progress and you’ve given me some good ideas and feedback.

    Perhaps the next one will work better.

    D.

  7. Catteseax Says:

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