Unsolicited Advice: 2Amsomewhere

It has been a long time since this blog has lived up to its namesake.  I have given very little unsolicited advice, but seem to be taking an inordinate amount.  Let’s see if I can fix that a bit.

 

At the top of the list is 2Amsomehwere, whose story is really moving along.  Reading him gives a good view how regular therapy keeps things moving and keeps the pot stirred.  In this case, there are two therapists stirring jointly and separately.  Season this with a generous supply of anxiety and stress over a job change, garnish with some sexual anorexia and you’ve got yourself one hot dish of a read.

 

One issue that 2Am‘s wife (who needs a name, by the way) has been pushing is the whole chronic masturbation and sexual addiction theme.  Most folks reading this will not be a stranger to this topic, covered most extensively by FTN and to lesser degrees by Christian Husband and myself.  Cagedone also has been writing about this more lately.  The husband masturbating has come up a time or two in Tajalude’s and C-Marie’s blogs.   I might as well mention Xi who has mentioned taking matters into his own hands, and who is probably blushing right now.

 

Oh, and it was the central theme of the now-closed Horny Old Guy’s blog.

 

But 2Am‘s case is a good one, because here we have a wife who seems to be preoccupied with his masturbation and sexual acting out, while not wanting to actually have any sex with her husband.  In the case of Xi, me and even FTN, the wives could probably care less if we yanked and wanked as long as it wasn’t hurting anyone or costing lots of money.  However 2Am‘s wife is using it as leverage to guilt and shame her husband.

 

The solution to this is really pretty simple.  And elegant.  Basically, all 2am has to do is get a chastity cage and give the keys to his wife.  Then see what happens.

 

My own experience, somewhat matched by Cagedone, is that a typically LL wife has serious difficulties with this position.  Because the guy is placing his sexuality totally into the hands of his wife, it actually tends to increase the pressure over time.  And we know how much LL people like pressure.  In 2Am‘s case, the result is that her objections over his masturbation is rendered totally moot.  She doesn’t have it anymore.  What’s more, now she has some responsibility as the keyholder towards her husband.  The elegance is that it disarms her while shifting the balance of responsibility and power over to her.  My guess is that she would give the keys back in short order and the whole masturbation argument disappears.

 

But I think 2Am is already preparing to unbind himself from this relationship, so it’s unlikely we’ll ever see it play out.  So much bitterness and resentment is there between them and while therapy has helped him individually, I don’t see it as having helped the marriage or his wife.  As he said, she simply hasn’t bothered to really show up.

 

D.

The Secret

There’s a book out there that seems to be taking the country by storm.  A certain Australian author was vaulted to best-seller status when Oprah started plugging the book The Secret which claims to offer the secret to everything a person wants.  It’s basically a “name it and claim it” new age pantheistic collection of thoughts. 

Gina brought the audio version and wanted me to copy it for Arwyn.  She apparently wanted me to do it right away, while she and Arwyn had a “girl’s day out.”  I was busy having fun with the boys, making ice cream, going to the store to buy stuff to make it, and then getting them involved in my Stepmania game by hooking up the second dance mat. 

 

When I first saw the title, I thought this was a work of romantic fiction or something.  Like The Notebook or something.  Then I read the back and red flags started going up.  I began listening to the first of the 4 CD’s and more mental flags were waving.  I logged onto the internet and read various reviews while listening and realized this thing, spiritually speaking, was a load of crap.  Talk about pyromarketing!  Gina bought into it lock, stock and barrel. 

 

She and Arwyn came home while I was investigating this, and I’m afraid I flew into Gina a bit harshly.  She got defensive and then I got defensive and it was a bit intense.  More intense than I meant. 

 

Admittedly, I did not listen to the whole thing.  I have not seen the Oprah special.  Good grief, that woman has influence!  I simply read some of the review on her website. 

 

The Devil’s gambit is to lie, deceive and entice, which this whole work is based around.  There’s this idea of attracting only good things through positive thought.  Attracting wealth, happiness, curing diseases and having wonderful relationships.  Who wouldn’t want that?  So there’s the enticement.

 

So where’s the lie?  Well, the author claims that the secret has been known and studied throughout history by the greatest philosophers and thinkers who ever lived.  Really and truly buying into this idea of a secret handed down through the ages requires that you buy into the idea that it actually works as it worked for all those folks she lists as masters of the secret.  Certainly Socrates, Plato, Einstein and others were extraordinary thinkers.  But they all are still dead.  The secret did not spare them from that.  None of them were extravagantly wealthy.  I’m not sure about the Greek philosophers, but I know Einstein struggled with his interpersonal relationships.  Abraham Lincoln supposedly knew the secret.  Ever read this guy’s autobiography?  He suffered from depression, he was not wealthy, he struggled with his marriage and he was shot in the back of the head!

 

HELLO??!!!??? 

 

IS ANYONE THERE?

 

I’m sure proponents of the Secret philosophy have an explanation for all of this.  Perhaps Lincoln did not apply the Secret correctly.  Perhaps he abandoned it after being elected president.  Whatever.

 

The author of this book is being made extraordinarily rich; thanks to people buying the oldest lie in the known universe.  It is repackaged and slickly marketed.  I get my blood up with the realization that the masses are so gullible as to fall for this bit over and over and over again. 

 

This is probably why I flew into Gina so harshly.  I like her and hate to think of her as being so gullible.  But as Arwyn said later, she has had some rough times.  She’s still locked into this butt-ugly divorce with Donald, and is totally drained of all financial resources.  She’s had the rug pulled out from under her, and is searching for some sort of Answer.  I just wish Oprah wasn’t the first stop for so many searching for the Answer.

 

P.T. Barnum was the one who knew the real secret.  There’s a sucker born every minute.

 

I have no idea how to talk to someone who has fallen for the lie.  No one wants to be told they are gullible.  Challenging them simply makes them dig their heals in deeper.  Perhaps some REBT-style inquiry might cut through some of the euphoric fog.  But that’s part of the problem: when the fog is intoxicating it’s difficult to get anywhere.  Somehow reality has to bring a person back to earth.

 

D.