This is why Christian unity is such a joke to anyone who looks on and sees Christians from the outside. But I suppose if you’re going to have a Holy punch-off, you might as well do it in the Holiest shrine in all of Christianity and duke it out by using the holy relics as weapons. These folks trust each other so little, that the keys to the Holy Church have to be left with Muslim families!
I am seriously struggling to get my weight under control since quitting the smoking. It frustrates me enough to think about having a smoke! Just one.
I’m not able to exercise as much as I was a year ago as I’m busier with work and some other projects and hobbies. So I need to get my diet back under control after losing my good habits this last summer. Vacations have a way of wrecking a schedule and a diet.
One of the discoveries I made last year was the fact that fiber is the key to a balanced diet. Things high in fiber tend to be more nutritious and lower calorie than those things without fiber. More fiber also carries its own energy cost just in digestion and chewing it. Plus it keeps the entire digestive tract regular and in shape. Those who have tried weight watchers know higher fiber food is worth less points than things with no fiber. Some food products use “net carbs” as a selling point, with the weight of the fiber being subtracted from total carbs to establish the net carb amount. Any way you count it, fiber is a key part of any sensible diet.
Oats are one of those high fiber foods that are one of the few that has earned a designation as being “heart healthy.” This is largely due to its soluble fiber. It also contains little fat and protein. There’s good stuff in oats. But not everyone finds them very palatable. I’m one of those people who do not like oatmeal, mostly because of its mushy texture. I like some chewy, crunchiness to my oats like you find in an oatmeal cookie. But I generally dislike oatmeal or any hot cereal for that matter. That includes cream of wheat and the south’s beloved grits. However given a choice, grits win over oatmeal.
Cheerios is a major way I’ve ingested my oats, as it has some good flavor and crunch. Over the years, Cheerios (and the assorted oat cereal knock-offs) has added sugers and extra processing to the cheerios to add flavor but I still prefer the plain sort with fruit to any of the sugared varieties. Cheerios are good and good for you, but they are still a pretty highly processed version of oats. Plus when they get soggy they are total mush. YUCK.
Then I discovered steel cut oats. These have virtually no processing to them so they are huge in fiber compared to any kind of oatmeal. They might be perfect except they advertise this stuff as a hot cereal that takes 30 minutes to cook, which in today’s world of rushed schedules is not going to fly. Most people are too lazy to open a can of soup and pour it in a pan on a stove for 10 minutes let alone stir and nurse anything for 30 minutes! Thus, these things, despite their healthiness, were doomed by their pinheaded marketers. Last night I went into Kroger to buy some and they have every other type of crap there except for these! They pulled them from the shelves.
So let me help you and the steel cut oat marketers out at the same time. Steel cut oats are in fact a food that fits into today’s busy lifestyle very easily but not as a hot cereal (although I’ve heard of some people cooking them in a crockpot). I liked them as a cold cereal and all it involved was putting some in a bowl with milk the night before. The next morning, I added fruit and ate it. How complex and tough is that? It takes the same amount of time to prepare as a bowl of cereal, except you have to preplan ahead of time. The texture (very chewy) and the nutrition are well worth it!
It seems as though the best place to get them nowadays is online or if you’re close to Amish country you might be able to find them in one of their stores. At least until the pinheads in marketing figure out that there is a bright future for this product if marketed properly.
If you are a fan of hot mushy cereal, you are presently being served well by the variety of products that fill store shelves. If you like something chewy but maybe less crunchy the steel cut oats will fit the bill if you can find them. I might try this with some stone ground grits I have, too. But that’s another article entirely.
D.
It’s on to the next post about identifying a LL partner.
#10. Hostility towards discussing the topic. Generally, the LL folks regard having to discuss the clashing libido issue as pressure, which leads to #9. They will generally avoid the subject and definitely avoid discussing the problem or deny that there is one at all. Included in this is shifting responsibility back to the other partner. The problem should be a *shared* concern, not just a matter of fixing one person or the other. Chances are, both partners have contributed and both need to be involved in mending the relationship.
I have one more entry after this one in this series that I have dragged out forever.
In many ways, this is the ultimate bind that someone attached to a LL partner faces. The rejection, the boundries, the depression and hurt are all largely dealt with alone and in isolation because of this characteristic.
Sometimes one may think this is a variation of avoiding sexual topics of discussion. That can be the case but not necessarily. There are many LL partners who will tallk about sex plenty in a social setting, but will not discuss the clashing libido problem. In fact they will deny there is a problem at all or try to make it all about the partner.
Avoidance has been a major theme around here, but this is the ultimate and will make the problem almost impossible to solve. Most professionals agree that communication is a crucial part of making a relationship work especially when it comes to points of contention. If couples can communicate about a problem, they can negotiate some sort of solution. However, by actively avoiding the topic, it makes the problem virtually impossible to solve or deal with.
So why do LL people avoid discussing the conflict? There several possible reasons.
First, there is apparently a persistent patterrn of denial, where the problem is either denied completely or minimized. Remember that earlier we talked about the LL person always having better things to do or higher priorities. For them, a day without sex is like a day without cavities. So talking about it would seem pointless.
Another reason is that often this is a persistent problem that goes on for years. Chances are this is a discussion that comes up again and again. The LL person is sick and tired of talking about it and may simply decide it isn’t worth the effort of talking about it.
Guilt can sometimes be a big part of it. A confrontation and discussion brings on massive feelings of guilt folllowed by a massive amount of defensiveness. Guilt and defensiveness seem to go hand-in-hand, so avoiding the conflict or striking back are natural reactions.
To a LL person who has dealt with themselves forever, and is being mostly trrue to themselves, the discussion is truly pointless. Nothing can be said or done to change who they are inside. “I’m sorry I can’t be the person you want me to be'” is a particularly poignant response I read one time when a HL woman confronted her LL husband. Since the LL has absolutely no intention of changing, the discussion is akin to beating a dead horse. They see little reason to change as they are not the ones suffering directly. However, indirectly there may be a cost in the form of guilt.
How does a body move past such a stalemate in communication? It’s really interesting to read how other bloggers in my circle deal. One way is when the HL partner gets pissed enough that they force a crisis. An affair or divorce are two of the most common ways. However, in both of these cases, the LL can and will cast themselves as the victim. They may not get how they brought these consequences on themselves.
Another way is to practice the art of confrontation. Basically making intimacy a major issue and keeping it out there in front until the LL sees the error of their ways and begins to fly right. But there is no way to force a person to be attracted to you who is not. And fighting does not increase the libido for someone who already suffers from the lack.
Therapy is the much-vaunted and promoted solution and suggestion. And therapy may help with many things such as dealing with the LL person who refuses to talk about their sexual hangups. But it is a mistake to think that this will even appraoch the problem. Some of the difficulty lies in the diversity of therapy approaches and most of them are not as effective as a bottle of good wine and are certainly more expensive.
The other difficulty is that avoiding the subject is such a core feature and one that is ingrained so deeply that they are experts at evasion. Getting them to agree to therapy in the first place will most certainly be a challenge. Once there, it will be extraordinarily easy to lazily stroll down the trail of inner and subconscious issues with parental relationships. Months and months will be spent delving into various underlying issues in the name of getting to the root of the problem. There are many, many conflicts and projections and reaction formation issues that have to be peeled away in the LL’s inner onion. There will be tears. There will be hugs. There will be insights discovered. There will be mysteries uncovered. But there won’t be much sex talk. There also won’t be much sex. If the therapist begins pressing the sex issue, therapy will end. So evasion works to the benefit of the therapist, too.
I’m painting a rather dark picture, but this is similar to getting an anorexic to open up. Secretiveness and evasiveness are core features and the skill required for treatment is beyond those relying on talk therapy.
But I hate ending on such a downer note. There might be a way out of the bind but it might not be for everyone.
The best real and true example I have of someone who has apparently fought and won this clashing libido struggle is Christian Husband. He didn’t start blogging until the tide had already begun to turn for him, but go back in the archives you can see where he went. From his own account, his sex life was resurrected Lazerus-like from a very dismal condition. He strongly and powerfully applied spiritual principles toward the problem with great effect which has only improved over time.
Is Gloria talking more about sex now than she was a year ago? Are the conversations easier now? Certainly there seems to be more of a pleasure factor for her which has resulted in a happier result for both of them. It seems to be a spiral pointed in the right direction.
D.
Unsolicited Advice: Wordpress Version 